We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
