I think my vagina is haunted
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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