He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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