just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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