Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My ass is underappreciated
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
