He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
