maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
