they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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