Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
