i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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