it wasn't lemon gatorade
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
