Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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