Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
