Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
