i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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