Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
