dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
