Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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