I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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