my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
