I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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