I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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