Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
