Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
