you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
