That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
even my farts smell like vagina
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
