So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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