You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
