I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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