come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
