I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
