It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
