Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
