If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
