I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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