I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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