If i come over, it means nothing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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