I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
