We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
