where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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