apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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