I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
