whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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