I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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