I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
