Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
