So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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