you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
