i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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