Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
