So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am spending my child support on dildos
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
