cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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