sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
